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The Seduction of the Past
As we move into middle age and old age, many of us have a tendency to frequently gaze back at the past, and re-visit those mostly happy parts of our lives. Especially if one is going through some tough times in the present, the past becomes increasingly seductive, and we sometimes prefer to spend more time there. Older folks are forever proclaiming how much better it was back then.
An interesting thing about the past is that it is like watching a movie in that you can look at it, but you cannot change a single speck of it. How many times have we longingly wished we should have opened this door instead of that one; not said this but said that instead? Ah! But now it's too late to correct any of those blunders.
Both the past and the future are locked away from us, and all we really have is the present. We are strange beings, us humans, connecting ourselves too often with past events and experiences, and at the same time, so eager to learn what the future holds. Many of us are even willing to pay a psychic quite a substantial sum in order to learn the future, no matter that the psychic can be entirely wrong. I think the reason we are so willing to shell out good money is because of the fears and insecurities that plague us. We long for a sense of power over a thing in which we know deep down we have no power and no promise of security.
However, we don't need any psychic to see the past. That's always available. At any time of the day or night, you can part the curtain and peek inside to your heart's content. It almost invariably looks rosier, happier, and better in contrast to the present. The only problem with so much hard gazing at the past is that one is neglecting the present and all the gifts it has to offer.
Why do we older folks choose to spend so much time back there? For one thing, I think we start believing that any great expansive future full of promise and possibility is no longer available, as we gaze ahead and imagine only a limited number of years down the road. Whereas at one time, that future seemed almost endless before us, it now appears to be fast shrinking.
Another likely reason for choosing to spend a lot of time gazing into the past is tough times in the present, such as illness or poverty. These things can weigh much more heavily on the elderly than on the young. When you're young, there is the possibility of overcoming poverty and of healing sickness. But when you get up into the so-called "golden years," these things hover heavily about us. Illness can often be fatal then, and the likelihood of overcoming poverty appears much less possible.
Another reason for clinging to the past is the absence of loved ones who have passed on, leaving us feeling alone and abandoned in an uncaring world that is too quickly speeding by. The nest is now empty and the life-long partner is gone, as are dear parents, loving aunts, uncles and cousins, and cherished good friends. The world feels very cold. It's so easy to seek comfort from memories of a fun-filled and love-filled past. Hardly any effort is required, nor does it cost anything.
There may be other cogent reasons for spending a lot of time gazing back into the past, but no matter what the reasons, the seductiveness of going back there can sometimes be irresistible.
The problem with that is that the present is being neglected. All any of us have at any given moment is the present. The present still offers possibility and opportunity, if we allow ourselves to see it. We are not finished living until we are lowered into that dark gaping hole in the ground. If we choose to neglect the present by spending more time in the past where possibility and opportunity no longer exist, we are only cheating ourselves out of life. Life is not over until it's over, some wise someone once said.
I know the present with all its problems can seem overwhelming sometimes, especially to someone older. But gazing too much into the past will not help solve or resolve those problems. It is really a form of running away from what is on the table right before you. Whatever is on that table, possibility and opportunity are also right there, too, but you have to be in the present moment to see them.
Life is constant change. Nothing lasts forever, including sickness, poverty, or loss. The solution or answer or appropriate response to any problem can only be found in the here and now.
About the Author
Sandra L. Lerner is the author of Connecting with Your Guardian Angel. See www.connectingwithyourguardianangel.com. She also has written several articles on various topics that have been published on the web.